Human beings keep seeking shelter everywhere. Not only volcanoes, large floods, earthquakes that make people keep seeking shelter, social institutions such as government, schools, religious organizations that have deficit of charisma also make people seek shelter. Family is one of the options that available. Despite the fact that family is also threatened by divorce and infidelity.
Three Chapters of Marriage
Anyone who has been married more than a quarter of a century will understand, there are three stages of long marriage. The first stage is the stage of assessment when we were still close friend. For most people, it is characterized by an interest in the nature of things such as the shape of the body, the way to speak, hobby. The second stage is a marriage moment that is filled with pain and pleasure. The third stage is the stage of maturity or spiritual marriage.
How mature the preparation at the beginning, most people should pass these three stages. Although in the first chapter people tend to favor something that is similar (such as religion, ethnicity, tastes, hobby, education, etc.), marriage still must enter the second chapter in the form of pain and pleasure. This second chapter will survive when one sees life in a balanced way. Where there is pleasure there is pain.
Marriage enters chapter three when husband and wife entered a dangerous intersection. Wife is ready to menopause (decrease in sexual libido, the feeling of being insecure, emotional instability), at the same time the husband enter andropause (sexual appetite rise, the increasing self confident, until more demanding service). In the ancient times, at this point man took his second wife. But any marriage which survived at this stage, the couples enter the spiritual marriage. At the same time entering the gate of beautiful old age.
Diamond of Understanding
Many men express his love to his wife by giving diamond. It is the representation of eternal love. But there is more precious diamond, it is the diamond of deep understanding. A deep understanding of love. It can only be understood by deeply practice love for years. After years of deep practice, then one understands that love is never outside. The true love is always inside. Hunting for love outside never bring the right partner. It only creates longing and unhappiness. When love has grown and bloom within, then you will naturally be loved. It is as natural as water that is wet, as natural as sugar which is sweet.
In the light of such understanding, soul mate is not someone who always fit to your measurement and follow your desires all the time. The true soul mate is someone who guides you to find the true love within. He/she can serve you, or he/she can wound you. You will be hurts, betrayed, scorned by your soul mate. But these soul wounds are not the ordinary wounds, but the wounds that reverses the journey. From hunting for love outside towards rediscovering the diamond of love within.
After rediscovering the diamond of love inside, then someone understands his/her self deeper and deeper. One meets the peak of journey within when he/she can directly experience that soul is never split. Since the beginning, soul is whole, complete, perfect. As a result, one does not only stop hunting for love outside, but the soul beginning to glow and illuminating the darkness of all, include illuminating the one who ever hurts. A friend who has come to this stage wrote: “I’ve seen your ugly parts and I stay to Illuminate your darkness“. The dark sides of his partner has been disclosed, but he continues the marriage to illuminate the darkness.
Home of Peace
Inner traveller who has rediscovered the diamond of love within, then can transform family into home of peace. A kind of warm shelter in the winter, cool place in the summer. And the roof of this home of peace is deep love. Errors, mistakes, imperfections that were committed in young age will certainly bear fruit. It can be in the form of pain, illness, frail body.
But at the home of peace, everything (include sickness and old age) is seen as omen that lightening the journey. Sickness, disease, death are signs that we are not this body. Being healthy, happy, holy are the opportunity to emit the inner light. Someone who is able to write simply write as touching as possible. Person who can paint, just paint as beautiful as possible. The others protests, dissatisfaction, discontentment are inputs of improvement. Praise, fame, success are vehicle to help the others.
Rumi is one of the person who has lived long at the home of peace. After a long stay there, then he uncovered the secret to all of us: “What you love is who you are”. What you do love in a very long time, that’s the true you. And long marriage helps a lot in rediscovering the true you. Borrowing from a spiritual master: “Sickness tells me that I am not the body. Burning house let me know that I am not the house. Financial bankruptcy teach me that I am not the money. Ultimately I realize that I am love”. Welcome home beautiful souls.
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