Enlightening Relationships

Written by Gede Prama

The countries from the west are not only teachers in terms of science and technology, but also a teachers in terms of making the earth more harmonious.  The high divorce rate that continues to rise, coupled with the increasing number of people who change their life partners, even telling a dozen of stories, that many human relationships whose are hurting each others.  Not even a few say it is a toxic relationship.  Not only are the relationship of husband and wife that is toxic, many psychologists’ friends in the West have opened up secrets, even the relationship between parent and their children is also have a bit of toxic in them.  In the West, the story is often heard, the father came home drunk and then sexually abused his own daughter.

To a different degree, similar stories are circulating in the East.  The divorce rate in the East is not as bad as in the West, but behind the harmonious appearance, not a few spouses are depressed and hurt.  In old age it usually appears in the form of a body that is attacked by many diseases.  In villages where people are innocent, not a few parents admit to being very bored growing up with the same partner for decades.  This type of boredom can not only poison the body inside, but can also poison the environment.  If children are mentally poisoned, they will become a very heavy burden later in old age.  Learning from this, let’s reflect on the face of a healthier relationship.  In the West some call it an awakened relationship.

From here the origin

In the world of meditation combined with psychology, a message like this has long been heard: “We do not respond to the reality outside but to the reality inside”.  Human actions are determined more by the reality that is created inside than the reality that occurs outside.  For example, someone who decides to part with his life partner, which is more decisive is not what happens outside, but the chaos of thoughts and feelings that occur inside.  In extremely chaotic thoughts and feelings, even the small fire outside can be very searing.  And these kinds of internal fires are the result of conversations and internal struggles over a very long period of time.

So that all friends are healthy and safe, let’s reflect on Mark Matousek’s beautiful message in “Writing to awaken”: “When you tell yourself the truth, your inner story change.  When your inner story change, your life is transformed ”.  Sadly, in the conversations and struggles within, many humans do not tell themselves honestly and completely.  Only want advantages, do not want shortages.  Only want happiness, don’t want sadness.  I just want to be praise, but don’t want to accept any insults.  Though life always revolves like night and day.  There is no life that contains only day.  As a result of this old habit of living spoiled, once there is a slight change in the weather outside, it can give birth to a fire inside.  This is the origin of a toxic relationship.

That is why in the way of writing as a way of healing, it is highly recommended for friends to write about themselves more completely.  Includes both sadness and happiness, both dark and light.  “Healing, holy, whole come from the same source”, is the core message on this road.  If you want to be healed on the inside, and at the same time have a healthy relationship on the outside, learn to realize Ke-U-Tuhan (wholeness).  Remember, only wholeness inside can give birth to a wholeness relationship on the outside.  Thus, if you want a healthy body, a safe family, as early as possible develop a complete relationship with yourself inside.

Writing as a one way communication

To arrive at a complete level of connection with the inner self, there are many avenues available.  Meditation is one option.  Developing a full inside conversation is another option.  What this paper suggests is writing in a secret place.  To be precise, tell yourself a fuller face of yourself.  Mark Matousek calls it telling himself the truth.  The guiding question is simple but deep: “Who am I?”.  Whatever appears in the head, write, write and write without filters bad-good, right-wrong, dirty-holy at all.  Once it comes to mind, write without being fenced off by norms and ethics at all.  Remember, this is a secret book that only you who can read it.

Friends in the Compassion family are asked to write at least two thousand answers to the question “who am I?”.  It would be great if it could reach ten thousand answers.  It can take a long time to get there.  Why are so many answers needed, so that the friends can tell themselves in the deepest and completely.  The numbers are actually number two, but the process is number one.  Similar to learning anything – from writing to painting, from playing the guitar to playing the flute – a close and strong relationship with the object studied needed a process that takes long period of time.

Likewise, building a complete relationship with yourself will took a long time period as well.  Once, when the day comes, when the answers are already ten thousands, keep the secret book in a secret place.  In quite a long time.  To the point of forgetting about anything that was written.  Once it has past a long period of time, plus forget a little bit, open back ten thousand answers about who you are.  The negative ones are grouped into the negative group.  The positive is grouped into the positive group.  Above all, share a smile of acceptance to the two of them.  Initially, develop an understanding that you include both negatives and positives.

Then learn to smile beautifully as a witness in the middle.  As a material to enrich the soul’s journey, even holy souls need mistakes at the beginning as a means of maturing themselves. Rama shot Subali’s leg when he was a child.  Prince Siddharta who later became a Buddha disappointed his father at a young age.  The different between a restless soul and beautiful soul, a restless soul rejects his dark and negative sides. But beautiful souls synthesizes the negatives within so that it gives birth to Light.  His meditative language is being a witness in the middle path.  Psychologists who study deep conversations suggest always greeting bad memories and good memories using the same smile.

If you persevere and sincerely do it and don’t give up easily for a long time, there one can give birth to the wholeness within.  The sadness, the joys, the failures all represent the same dance of perfection.  Everything revolves naturally in this world.  The sea water is carried up by the sunlight into clouds.  The clouds fall into rain.  Rainwater flows through the river and returns to the sea again.  That is how the circle of perfection revolves in nature.  In the East it is called mandala (perfection).  Repeating the previous message, only wholeness inside will give birth to the wholeness on the outside (read: being able to accept a life partner and close people as a whole).  When the wholeness inside merges with wholeness outside, there the relationship blooms beautifully into an awakened relationship.

The sign is simple, both parties are growing more healthy and more beautiful each day.  The growth of the two sides beautifies each other.  A toxic relationship, in quantity and quality, continues to decline.  If it’s still there, it can be neutralized immediately.  On this old and beautiful street, messages like this often can be heard: “Do not force other people to change, focus on making your inner soul garden to be more beautiful.  Once the inner soul garden is beautiful, our life partner and our surrounding environment are also become more beautiful ”.

Author: Guruji Gede Prama

Photo of Guruji with Wife.

Photo courtesy of the close family of Compassion

About the author

Gede Prama

Gede Prama started his spiritual journey through a dialogue with his symbolic Guru in a village at the north of Bali. The journey is then being enriched with his experiences of studying abroad, his meetings with the world greatest spiritual Gurus: His Holiness Dalai Lama, The Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, as well as Professor Karen Armstrong; and also being deepened by his intense meditation practices.

Despite the fact that he was once a CEO of a large corporation with thousand of employees, and was traveling abroad frequently for the purpose of teaching, yet, being deeply moved by the Bali bombing incident in 2002, he then decided to leave everything and went back to his home island.
He has never leave Bali for the past few years. In fact, he rarely leaves the silence of the forest where he lives, except for the purpose of teaching at the sacred sites within Bali.

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